It has been a long time since I have bothered to write, let alone be on here, my first real venture of independence. I thought that things do work out differently than what has happened before, but alas, I am in what feels like the same situation I was in when I started this webzine. Of course, many things have changed throughout 8/9 (?) years. I finished my master's. The last time I posted was around my birthday, the Birthday Massacre, and Julian K review. I still need to transcribe those interviews, probably some of my best work. Let's be honest, though; finishing my master's was draining on every level possible. Then came the fucking stupid ass pandemic. I went from having schools interested in me in Texas, tenure track and all, to being told they were throwing away all applications and to feeling free to reapply. No one has been hiring yet. I took a job as a crossing guard to tutor and take a break, yet I am still a fucking crossing guard, not writing, struggling to find a job in my field. I have finally given in, and I have been applying for sub-jobs. It was that or being a notary, but I have never had any business sense, to be quite honest.  
     Lately, I have been questioning if any of it was worth it. The degrees, the debt that is small compared to most, the reality that teaching is only going to get worse, the one thing I was built to do well aside from writing. I don't know anymore. I once told a professor in my undergrad years that I would trade it all, the writing, the way I think, to be happy and normal. Do normal things; she told me no, I wouldn't because I was just me. Some days I think about that, and some days she is right, and others, like in this moment on April 12th, I would absolutely trade it all to have a normal brain. However, that moment, like most, only lasts a moment. I got up, and I blew my nose, I thought about Ralph Ellison and his introduction to the Invisible Man, and I remembered who the fuck I am.
I am one of the recorded of our history, our emotions, and the human condition. The importance of the knowledge I hold, which came along at a very high price, is one of the most imperative things a person could own. I have the ability to write out my feelings and make people feel a little less alone. This isn't a common skill, and the writer's strife is a real thing. Throughout all of this, I think of what Nate said when USC didn't hire anyone for the position of an adjunct for long-form journalism in their grad department. He said that you have to keep writing,and it makes for good writing material. This is true. I just haven't had it in me to put words to paper. At 33, I have schools like USC that even look at me for a position that tells me I have something to give back and that my skills are not useless, but it is sometimes hard to remember these things.
     The format of writing is going to change quite a bit. Which is not a bad thing. One of the things I did come from grad school was my writing growth. My project honed in on the things that I wanted to grow to. Once I wrote the David Bowie article for OC Weekly while working on my ba, I really found where I wanted to go. I wanted to infuse music with literature the way that The Harlem Renaissance was trying to do along. With a few chapters done for my book, my grad project, I learned that I could quickly write those things. The first three chapters have been written on The Doors, Bob Dylan, and Metallica, and I am excited to see where that goes. I will not release those pages or any that will be coming after; however, I will start to transcribe the interviews I have stoked up for my book on here.
I have a lot, everything from Chibi from the Birthday Massacre, Ryan Shuck of Julien K, and Dani Filth from Cradle of Filth. To be honest, I didn't think I would come back here. I felt that this chapter of my life was done. I was going to shut it down, and then I felt awful letting it go even though I hadn't been here in years. As I was going to let it go, staff photographer Brian Hoy asked if he could post his pictures on here because he was tired of Pinterest stealing them, and I immediately requested Alex not to shut us down if it was too late. He replied that we were never going anywhere. So we will see how long I can keep this up. I have a lot of article ideas. So yeah, let's see what happens, you know, LETS FUCKING RAGE!